She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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