you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
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