Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
