so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
