so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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