that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
