You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
