I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
