goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
