Just fell off a train. Bad.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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