When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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