I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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