i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
