UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
