If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
