My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
