i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
