The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize