well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
