Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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