wakey wakey hands off snakey
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize