you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
