Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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