There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
