I wanna bring you to show and tell
Yo dont text me then not text me
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
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