The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
