i permit you to call me
Little spoons don't ask big questions
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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