Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
