Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
