So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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