The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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