I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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