You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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