One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
