I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize