Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
