I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
