oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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