Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Is it because I queefed?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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