she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
