rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
worst night to have a conscience
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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