Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize