Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
