dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
