I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize