Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
