Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
