i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
