I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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