Kiss
Puke
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
