I wish I could punch you in the face.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
