I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
