You work out of a Hotel?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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