wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This is my gift to your gina
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize