That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
