There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
