Whod you bang
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
