i would punch a child for taco bell
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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