why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
