3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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