i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
