I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
