apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
